Recommended Reading

Although I love the 'net, technology has not yet surpassed the kind of experience that you get by opening a book and holding it in your hands. Laptops just don't make the same kind of bedtime companions. If you're an analog person like myself, head over to your local independently owned bookstore and check out some of these authors and titles.

Pat Califia is, bar none, my favorite kinky writer. I can honestly make a blanket recommendation for all of his work in print. I have found endless inspiration in his essay collections, "Public Sex" and "Speaking Sex to Power." I find all of his erotic fiction to be incredibly hot, and the best part about it is that I do not have to suspend my disbelief. Pat writes believable, yet edgy, fiction; look for "Macho Sluts," "Melting Point," and "No Mercy."  Pat has also written an SM primer of sorts, "Sensuous Magic; A Guide for Adventurous Couples." Pick up a book by Pat Califia and prepare to have your thoughts challenged and your mind opened.

More fiction…

Stephen Elliott gives his readers emotional truth in fiction. Happy Baby  is a beautiful little book that examines the roots of one man's submissive and masochistic desire. Make sure your local bookstore carries his titles!

Mary Gaitskill writes stories of a remarkable psychological depth. She wrote a short story that was turned into a notable movie, "The Secretary." I like her novel, Two Girls, Fat and Thin. In her writing, Mary Gaitskill is always looking at what lies beneath the surfaces that people present to the world.

If your tastes run to the more avant garde, read The Evil Queen: A Pornolexicology by Benjamin L. Perez. It is a work that is meant to be read out loud, and the author is a poet, an architect of words and sound. In addition, the author is also my evil twin, the animus to my anima…if I had been born male, I would be Benjamin Perez. Read at your own risk. 

Novices, take note!

If you're just starting out your explorations into BDSM, these books can give you the language to find what you're looking for.

Consensual Sadomasochism - How to Talk About It & How to Do It Safely by William A. Henkin & Sybil Holiday - If can only allot yourself time to read one book, make it this one. This is the most comprehensive book written, and I'm not saying that just because one of the co-authors is my DomMom.

Sensuous Magic by Pat Califia

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt - I include this book here because it includes wonderful tools for improving your negotiation skills.

Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen - Because I know there are some shy lurkers out there!

Anatomy of Love by Helen Fisher, Ph.D. - If you're a thoughtful perv, like myself, and want to learn all about the hormonal fireworks going off in your body, this book is for you.

Be an A-list Client

If you want to put a smile on your favorite sex-worker's face, purchase one of these books and follow the advice contained within.

Paying for It  - edited by Greta Christina

Whores and Other Feminists - edited by Jill Nagle

Bare - The Naked Truth about Stripping by Elisabeth Eaves

Also, check out an article I wrote for The Spectator a few years back: Asking for It - How to Set Up a Fantasy Scene with a Professional Domme

Technique, Technique, Technique

There's no real substitute for live classes to build your BDSM skills, but if you can't get to a workshop, the following books are a great place to start.

The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

The Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

The Klutz Book of Knots by John Cassidy

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

Flogging by Joseph W. Bean

Family Jewels by Hardy Haberman

Visual Stimulus

If I listed all the movies and films that make me wanna get my kink on, I'd have to write a whole new site. Here are a few titles to look for.

The Pain Game and Tie Me Up by Cleo DuBois - If you want to see a true master in action, watch Cleo's movies. Her presence and connection to her bottoms is par none.

Dances Sacred and Profane by Charles Gatewood and Fakir Musafar - Fakir has spent his life exploring sensation, using his own body as a canvas. This film is a document of a real Sundance, among other things.

Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist - Bob Flanagan spent his life battling cystic fibrosis; he died on Jan. 4. 1996, having reached the age of 44. Most people with CF never reach adulthood. Bob attributed his longevity directly to his masochism. If you do watch this documentary, be warned; it does feature his actual dying process as well as his life.

The Life A Film by Luna, or Whore, Soy Puta - This film is an absolute work of art. Skip over the weak story line featuring Hollywood actors, and just watch all the interviews with European and South American sex workers. This movie allows sex workers and their clients from every different class to tell you their stories in their own words.

The Fashionistas by Evil Angel Video - OK, so I had to include some real porn here. If you can manage to overlook the male dom focus and the bad SM technique, you'll find some genuinely hot scenes featuring latex fetish wear. I freely admit that I have a "thing" for Belladonna…and after you view this movie, you will too!